Healing.
Such a controversial word.
Some people feel enticed, others repelled by it.
In our society, there is a very strong association of the word "healing" with there being something broken and in need to be fixed.
I notice myself cringe a little when I think about it.
This is, of course, how modern medicine approaches healing: it fixes the part of the body that has become dysfunctional, finds a solution for the problem. Once the problematic aspect is fixed, the patient can carry on with their life, as if nothing has happened. Sometimes, there is no one-and-for-all fix, and the solution comes in a form of an ongoing medication.
Basically, with this approach, the body is being treated as a kind of a machine consisting of independent, replaceable parts. The mind is separate and in charge of the machine. While there is some interconnection (even traditional medicine recognises that mental stress affects the state of the body), it is not really given much attention or care.
In this perspective, if you examine it closely, the key value is being placed on staying functional and "in order" - so that you can carry on performing, achieving, delivering, getting on with things etc. The pain is just a nuisance, something to disregard and get rid of, as quickly as possible. It stands in the way of achievement, productivity - the golden standard of life.
Most people extend the same idea to the field of the emotional and spiritual healing. People who seek therapy typically believe there is something to be fixed about them, particularly about their mental or emotional state particularly so, when they hit a crisis, or things don't work out as would expect them to.
They often come to the healing process with an expectation that the therapist, an expert, will help them remove the annoying bits that are dysfunctional and are standing in the way of obtaining that which brings them satisfaction (i.e. achievements - whether it be in the realm of relationships, or work, or spirituality) and causing pain.
Sometimes, there is also an expectation that the "expert" will actually do something on the "patient's" behalf to "make them feel better", or to "not feel/do this thing". And then life can go on, as it was before - well, probably with more achievement.
I was one of such "patients" - I came to therapy in 2015 with a number of issues that I wanted fixed asap. I was struggling in my marriage and was also quite confused in terms of my professional identification. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do next, but felt very driven and frustrated at the same time. I thought that my problem was low self-esteem and the lack of self-love - so I wanted the therapist to offer me the cure. As quickly as possible. I didn't have time to wait and spend hours talking.
I was expecting my therapist to take me through some processes that would crack me open and change me once and for all. Even though I did not formulate it clearly, I think I had an image of myself entering into therapy one way and exiting in a three months time completely transformed. Glorious, shining, confident, successful in all areas of my life. Free from fear, pain and doubt.
Just need to get rid of that low self-esteem thing, I thought.
Around that same time, I also saw some healers.
I had a similar expectation of those processes too: I remember doing a past life regression, doing a Rosen method session. I kept expecting a miraculous transformation. And, in all fairness, that desire "to be fixed" stayed with me for a looong while, even though it has been becoming more and more subtle as time went by. Only recently, maybe in the last couple of years or so, I started noticing a shift in my perception.
That's when I started to see more clearly what healing is actually about. I also started finally getting its link to the word WHOLENESS. It took me a long developmental process and a lot of support from the outside to realise that healing is not really about fixing anything, but is about discovering, reclaiming and owning the wholeness that I already am.
That it is a process, a journey and an exploration of what is - not a point of arrival, not a linear line with the two dots of before (broken) and after (healed). Through this ongoing process, I learn to relate to my wounds and my pain in a different way - using them as my guiding star, my compass - rather than a trouble or something that I want to get rid of.
It is only from this place of wholeness really, that I can consciously weave meaning and use my experience in service of my growth. It's from here that I can connect to my values, experience a sense of soul purpose, create and cultivate holistic, soulful relationships in which I can grow and deepen.
What do I mean by wholeness?
I see it as feeling myself as a part of the whole and seeing all parts of myself as part of the whole and holy - perfect and acceptable as they are.
There is also a sense of interconnectedness and deep belonging - with others, including animate and inanimate, alive and dead things and beings, which not separate from me, but bonded as if in a web - beyond what we perceive as physical time and space.
This may sound like mumbo jumbo, but for me it is very much a state of being, a certain felt, fully EMBODIED sense of experiencing myself as complete, fully present in the moment, at peace and in balance with my (and beyond mine) Yin and my Yang, strength and vulnerability, light and shadow - in fact all of my polarities - feeling life force flowing and expressing through me freely and easily. Nothing is amiss. There is no problem, nothing to change - i.e. no tension, no resistance in my being. My body feels soft and strong at the same time, light and rooted, centred in my heart, connected toes to the crown of the head. And when I feel this way, it - I, you, we - feels HOLY.
My sense is that, at least in this human form, there will be no end to deepening that state, making it even fuller, richer (the paradox, right?) - including more and more elements, parts and layers into my own and collective field of loving awareness.
Yes, another thing about wholeness is that it is grounded in love. So, for me, healing is ultimately about bringing more of ourselves into the presence of love - this is where deep wounds turn into soul gifts, darkness alchemises into inspiration, shadow turns into light.
It takes learning about what we are beyond what we think we know, beyond what we are familiar with, beyond what we habitually do - internally (with our thoughts and feelings) and externally. From this perspective, the things that we experience as our "issues", "problems" and "defects" are actually our allies - by causing us pain, they help us focus our attention inwards and help us connect to that which is currently split off and yearning to be seen, welcome and given a place - so that we can feel and manifest the holy wholeness that we are.
This is why I have chosen to call myself a healing guide rather than a therapist - I am definitely not here to fix anyone, nor to make people function and perform "better".
But I am here to help people connect with their own healing current of love and ground in the sense of their wholeness and their holiness.❤️🔥
p.s. If you resonate with what I write and would like to experience bodymind healing sessions with me, please let me know. I feel passionate about the work that I do, and it will be my honour to support you on your journey🧚♀️💛